🗓️ May 5, 2025
Author: The Freedom-Deniers' Fellowship of Finger-Pointing
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At dontperish.org (the parody one, not the bullhorn-on-the-sidewalk one), we’re finally ready to renounce all gratitude toward military veterans.
Why?
Because according to the most recent sidewalk scroll from our local Discernment Prophet, supporting veterans is the same as promoting war and killing.
So let’s correct the record:
We already have freedom in America. So obviously, there’s no need to honor the people who risked their lives to secure or preserve it.
📜 Exhibit A: We Now Have Wi-Fi and a Blog Clearly, since we currently enjoy:
the right to speak freely,
the ability to publish 12,000-word rebukes online,
and the freedom to shout at churches from sidewalks without being arrested,
…it must have magically appeared, without any historical conflict, bloodshed, or sacrifice.
Veterans didn’t die so you could preach the gospel on a street corner. No, they just accidentally showed up in Normandy. They weren’t defending your country they were carnal warmongers looking for a good excuse to shoot people and collect GI Bill benefits.
🎖️ The Veteran Heresy Today’s modern churches celebrate things like:
Veterans Day
Memorial Day
Freedom
Sacrifice
“Laying down one's life for another” (which Jesus said, but let’s ignore that)
So it’s no surprise they’re on the path to ruin. They’ve elevated honor above head coverings what apostasy!
✝️ But Seriously... Here’s the real tragedy: The people condemning veterans wouldn't last 30 seconds in the kind of world where there were no veterans to defend them.
They wave signs that say “Freedom in Christ” …but forget that it was someone else’s sacrifice that made space for them to say it.
The Bible doesn’t rebuke people for defending the innocent. In fact, it honors soldiers like Cornelius (Acts 10), it praises the centurion’s faith (Matt 8), and never once tells them to quit the military.
You know who else serves in silence with purpose? Veterans.
🔥 Final Thought If you really believe honoring veterans is evil, try preaching your next street sermon in a country where you can’t do that without being jailed.
“Greater love hath no man than this: that a man lay down his life for his friends.” — John 15:13
It’s in red letters, friend. The same red that spilled on battlefields so your sidewalk soapbox could be legal.
So go ahead and celebrate your right to rebuke churches online.
Just remember who gave you the freedom to do it.
Satirically submitted with love, liberty, and a deep respect for those who served. dontperish.org | Home of the Heresy Hall of Fame